I'm sure my roommates will agree that the last couple weeks my heart has not been one of thankfulness, but rather one that is more prone to complaining. There are a few things going on in my life that I wouldn’t choose for myself, but rather than trusting God and his sovereignty and goodness over it, I have leaned towards self-pity. My head knows so many of my Savior's promises, but many times my heart does not fully believe that these promises are true for me.

Yesterday, I listened to a sermon called "For God's Sake, Let Grace be Grace!" I remember listening to Pastor John preach this sermon at Bethlehem's Northwestern College campus about three and a half years ago. The sermon was good for me then and again yesterday when I listened on my ipod.

There are many great things about the sermon, but one that stood out yesterday was the greatness of God’s grace and the fact that I deserve none of it. Piper talked about how great it would be to have a church filled with a people who are broken and humble. And he said:

"A church for whom grace has sunk down at the emotional level of your life and made you feel. Not just know, feel, I don't deserve anything good from God. I deserve only bad things to happen to me from God. Therefore everything bad that happens to me is expected and not grumbled about and everything good that happens to me is a surprise and fills me with thanksgiving and joy…We are sooo critical. We are so murmuring and grumbling and demanding of our rights. Anything that crosses us; we get in people's face and we get in God's face and we, we, we. You know why? Grace hasn't gone very deep. It hasn't gone very deep…my demanding-ness, my expectations that I deserve something good. We don't deserve anything – if we understand grace” (I think this is almost exactly word for word. I typed it as he spoke…I hope this is okay to do ☺).

I want to understand the grace of Jesus more fully. Not just intellectually, but feel it in my heart. Grace that makes me know and feel that I don't deserve anything good from him. I want to understand grace at a deep level like that.